Josh Groban: Application #51

In the Round Tour Toyota Center, Houston November 12, 2013 Taken by Wylde Soul Photography
In the Round Tour
Toyota Center, Houston
November 12, 2013
Taken by Wylde Soul Photography

“Emotions are what make us human. Make us real. The word ’emotion’ stands for energy in motion. Be truthful about your emotions, and use your mind and energy in your favor, not against yourself.” – Robert Kiyosaki

*PS-Dear Reader- The only favor I ask is that you follow the story, Share if you are so inclined. Know that I am following dreams as you do.

54 Days

Dear Josh-

I see the postings for the overseas tour dates for Stages are coming to light for next year. Australia and New Zealand. Thought I had seen an interview where you had mentioned two or three dates earlier in 2016 for London and Paris as well.

Well tomorrow marks “hump day” for the 104 days and in the spirit of disclosure I thought I might spend this week bringing a little more of my story/history to the forefront. It is no better or worse than anyone else’s…just mine. I also think that I should be completely open and authentic and sharing a personal history, fleshing myself out as it were gives everyone a clearer picture of who I am, why I am pursuing this goal-dream.

I was born in Philadelphia. I am the oldest of 4. I remember myself as being a relatively shy, unassuming, quiet child. Looking back I was probably a super sensitive, overly empathetic child. I loved to read, be with the animals. I remember the ghost in a house we lived in San Diego. It was a woman, always came out when the piano was being played. My childhood memories are very faint, almost non existent.

My parents…well my family was a clear cut case of Generational Baggage raising the next generation. My father was the baby and my mother an only. I really remember my mother being driven and then lost. My dad, extraordinarily intelligent with some seriously different ways of looking at things and about as social awkward/misfit as you could get. My mother was raised by her grandmother and had mommy issues.She was however an amazing pianist. To this day, piano music is still one of my most favorite acoustic instruments. My love of musicals  and the classic and acoustic side of  music definitely came from her.

My father, well he was the one who set my open minded approach to the world, life, people, travel, cultures, food and animals. His contribution to my musical past was opera, all forms including the comedic of Gilbert & Sullivan. While we lived in San Diego, he made a point of exposing us to all kinds of cultural foods, music, life. He created the idea, for me, that everyone is the same. I do not see color, creed, culture….I see people. I love learning, period. Everything and anything. I am intensely curious, I think, because of the way he raised us. We took vacations to new places every year.

He was also the bane of my existence and completely ruptured who I might have been. From about age 10 to 19, he sexually abused myself and my sisters. Emotionally abused my brother and physically abused my one sister. My mother, well she knew and did nothing. I was gone, moved out before she took steps to try and protect my youngest sister and it was too late.

Suffice it to say, I do not have the best relationship with my family and for my own mental and emotional health and well being, I severely limit my interactions with them.  My father died about 26 or so years ago, my mother is still alive. I rarely communicate with Debby or David and Zippy, my baby “seester”, is the only one I stay in fairly close contact with. Probably because in a very real sense, I was more a mother than a sister to her. Both my parents worked after we moved for the last time in 1976 back to the East Coast….yeah I had quite a nomadic existence.

Born in Philly, moved to Arizona, Debby was born, then moved to Kansas and David was born, then moved to San Diego and stayed for quite a few years. Then Zippy was born and we moved to New Jersey, where I went to High School. I was the odd woman out. I was not part of the small agricultural crowd that had all grown up together. I came in late to school (started in like September or October) I had a TAN and came from California???? and the incest had already started…so yup High School for me was ugghhh the worst in that sense…much like you. Odd man out, did not fit in. Never did find my stride. Had a near death experience when I was 14…yup sure did. Died from a deathly allergic reaction to penicillin-right on the Living room floor..age 14ish.

I look back at pictures of me, and all I see is a quiet, reserved haunted individual looking back at me. Now I realize that I was not really fat, but all my power, self esteem…well there was none. I seem to remember a hidden drive and reserve of strength being there. There were certain things I pursued with dedicated passion and then lost interest in. Piano, flute, guitar, art, singing lessons, running long distance. I was one of those students that never had to really study hard to get good grades and I was so quiet and reserved in school. Not a troublemaker that is for sure…probably did not want to draw more attention to myself than necessary. One summer losing a lot of weight because my dad had decided that I was fat and needed help. Back then well metabolic drugs were freely used and no one knew the side effects…I think I lost like 40 or 50 lbs over a 3 month summer…and then promptly gained it all back.

I remember being envious of the “put together girls” ya know the ones, cheerleaders, sportsy types. I had the biggest crush on a football player in …hmmm I think Sophmore year, his name was Andrew “Drew” Sharp. He was in my English class and was one of my biggest tormentors….alternated between hate and despair that year. The ANGST of it all….we all know of course looking back that it is these very things that shape us, give us courage, drive us to become the best versions of ourselves. And these memories, for me anyway, come back in vivid detail when I offer that memory a different perspective….and I will try to remember to include those new perspectives as I continue onward in revealing who this being known as Miriam Rieck is.

I will say that I am not going to include much of my relationship world…as they are a part of this but putting the spotlight on them is for me not justified nor necessary. …so those details will remain private.

Until tomorrow