“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened. ” – Anatole France

Days 21 & 20 & 19

Dear Josh-

What a weekend. Highs and Lows. Today was the close of almost 30 years of owning…no being graced with the love and companionship of so many lives in the form of dogs mostly and two horses.

Dawn, my last animal companion, Borzoi died today. I was unable to find a vet who worked on Sunday’s so I sat with her as she passed quietly and without fight. I am sure you understand the love we have for those 4-legged’s that grace our lives. They bring unconditonal love. They never demand anything other than our presence. They teach us to live in the moment. They share all they are. They are a shield for those of us that have been damaged by life. They remind us that we are lovable and worthy. I have grown so much via my animals. I would not be the woman I am today without their grace.

When Dawn passed, my friend Sheila came and got me, helped me bury her at her new ranch. Along with Dawn went every animals remains I had carried with me since 1999. It was time to let them go. To walk into a new Chapter in my life, without burden. I have made the decision to not own another dog, I will not say never but it will take a lot to do so.

Ya see, animals have been a way for me to hide. To avoid contact with people. As long as I had my animals I could justify not making connection. Oh don’t get me wrong I have been in relationships but wow, let’s say I am definitely not succesful at the whole marriage thing…I told a friend recently I believe I am better mistress material and I am ok with that. Love comes in so many forms, I am not sure that marriage is the only way to have love. But that is an aside.

Tonight I walked through the fire of loss and am letting it bathe me.  I am going to end with a gallery of images of the souls  I have lost. With Dawn went the other 11 souls who have shared my life since I was 20 some years old.

Saturday night I put a bid down on what I hope my future is going to hold…endings, beginnings…cycle of life…still a bittersweet ending and here they are

Here is who they were:

Alexis and Amanda

Ridge, Dawn, Shane, Tiki, Toto, Xena, Shane

Nan (Royal Latte-Foal) and Misty

Amanda 1999
Alexis 1999
Alexis 1999
Xena(left) and Toto
Xena(left) and Toto
Nan and Misty
Nan and Misty
Dawn, Ridge and I at BYD Ranch & Kennel in 2007
Dawn, Ridge and I at BYD Ranch & Kennel in 2007
Nan and Latte
BYD Ranch & Kennel

Until Tomorrow


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