I define vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. With that definition in mind, let’s think about love. Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow—that’s vulnerability.” ~ Brené Brown
Days 29 & 29
Is this an excercise in futility? Probably so…and yet I am totally okay with that. I have learned so much. I know I have said it before, I have met so many people. Some who have become really close. This whole 18 month experience has shown me exactly what I do and don’t like about music. I have learned about me. What I want out of life, what I want to focus my skills on.
I want to be a part of a dream, the seeing it blossom. And for the first time in my life I don’t need to be front and center. I want to be the support. To be a part of bringing someone else’s vision to life. I met a band last year that I knew from the instant they opened that they were special. The music was great, it touched a spot in me as far as dreams go. The show was amazing. The audience was there. And I actually think that it was in that instant I realized that a dynamic had changed. And this would be almost exactly one year after I had won the media pass to your show.
So talk about serendipitous encounters…. Ya see, I thought that BYD Ranch & Kennel was going to be for forever. I did not know that the market was going to crash in 2010 and take with it my lifetime dream. I did not know that in the 5 years since then I would literally be brought through the fire and rise like the phoenix. I did not know that I would stumble onto people that would literally rip the walls down and show me that I could find a new dream and be open and love…god the love. Everywhere.
That is kind of the beauty of all of this, I literally can sit here typing away and feel how absolutely full I am. I am so grateful for the close friends that believe in my new dream enough to write these amazing letters of reference for me. The strangers who have stood alongside of me and rallyed me on even when the dream of going on tour with you was literally an empty dream.
So let me tell you about this new dream.
This band is incredible. Everyone who listens, just stands there open mouthed and all I ever hear is…god they are f-cking amazing, why have I never heard of them. The “man” behind it all is just brilliant…smart, like smart beyond anyone I have ever met. Driven, like me and in the same way….I have not really met anyone like that before. BUT the fact is that all I want to do is step up right beside this person and help them get where they are going AND that is a first.
I know that all of the past 18 months led me to this point. I know that this band is the dream, the tribe, the legacy that I want to sign on to. This path calls to me in the same intensity that my kennel dream called to me. I have spent the last few weeks researching how I could be of service to this person/band, in a paid position…cause I do have to pay the bills and I am going to present it to them next Saturday. I can only hope that they see my authenticity and allow me to come on board…this literally is one of those things where if they say no…I may be completely lost, I have no idea what a Plan B would be….unlike this campaign.