“You are a warrior. Fierce. Awe-inspiring. Full of courage. You are surrounded by many who look to you for inspiration. But there are moments where you are brought to your knees by doubt, when you question how you can possibly go on, when the fight seems too vast for one person.” –Jeanette LeBlanc
*PS-Dear Reader- The only favor I ask is that you follow the story, Share if you are so inclined. Know that I am following dreams as you do.
Today marks the downward count for days to the first tour date and the letter dates get more. I picked today’s quote simply because this has been a long hard road for me. Knowing that I could do this, if I could get in the door and present it. That it will be an amazing book, body of work based on dreams…really. I think you get exactly what I am talking about in the video I posted recently. What an amazing thing to see …a 17 year old dream come true, maybe not exactly as you had envisioned it but it is coming true…just as my dream can come true as well. No matter the station in life, we are all people….
And just as I was about to give up hope, well literally the cavalry arrives. With the video I got to tell everyone about the book and why my biggest wish, besides doing the book and the tour….is to offer the inspiration for anyone and everyone to fight for their own dreams. My team of twins literally have jumped into the fray along with a surprising quiet comer whom both the twins and I know through ABWA. It is Lorie that hopefully has brought the last big player to the table…and equipped with this team, I come in the door. I will not see this as anything other than AS IF. I refuse to.
SO…back to the past….
I loved San Francisco, it has the same vibrant, intense flow of energy as New Orleans. The colors, smells, tastes, music, art, history, culture….all wrapped up in one delicious…seriously expensive city. I loved being able to walk my dogs to the beach and sit there and contemplate the ships coming and going under the Golden Gate Bridge. I saw John Mellencamp in a concert at Golden Gate Bridge. Ate some of the most amazing seafood, ohh the sourdough of Boudin Bakery and the chowder…back then not quite as human packed as it is today…time marches on. The sea lions lounging on the floating docks with the boats. I love the shore, the ocean. Standing on the beach or a cliff and the rhythmic crashing of the waves.The smell…yeah I am a true water baby.
When Navy rotation came up for the husband he chose a landlocked assignment to work on the marriage. So we moved to Texas and pretty much got divorced within a year of arriving here and from then until about 2000, I was on the run, personally and emotionally. I could and did dive into being the best at work, if everything else in my life sucked, well at least I was damn driven on the job. I always entered a job and within months was in management. One relationship after another ended with my leaving. Shaking my head. But the truth was, while they had their faults it was me, still not healed and I knew something had to change. I had a brief stint back in California between 2004-2006 and married.
It was in that time period that I began to heal and grow. I had my mare, Nan to thank for that. I had owned her since 2000 and had never ridden her. It was through riding and learning how to become a partner to a living breathing animal that could kill your ass in a second that gave and taught and brought me to so many aha moments. I started to care about myself. I started by working at how to eat better, go the gym as a form of self love instead of punishment and began to understand why the weight was there. I learned cooperation and partnership from Nan. In the beginning she was Caretaker, mother and teacher, then we became colleagues and then friends at the end. Euthanizing her last year was the hardest damn decision I have ever made in my life. I chose to let my other mare go with her, knowing that they were bonded so very tightly.
So here I am in 2005 living in crowded San Diego and all I wanted was to go back to Texas and live in the country again. I also realized I did not have a dream nor a purpose in life. So I thought about what I was good at and chose a dream. To own a small intimate dog boarding kennel on some land where my horse and I could live.
One thing, you will learn about me is that I am unapologetically me. I flail and flounder just like everyone else, what I refused to do is let fear rule me; negativity abide in my life or circle and I am actively seeking out those who have dreams as big as I do..