“We are not here to fit in, be well balanced or be an example to others. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps a bit strange, merely to add our small piece to the great mosaic of being. As the gods intended, we are here to become more and more ourselves” James Hollis.
*PS-Dear Reader- The only favor I ask is that you follow the story, Share if you are so inclined. Know that I am following dreams as you do.
I will say it again… I have a Love hate relationship with the internet, technology. I was on a great thought process for today’s process at home, when the electricity had one of those blinking set of moments and bam all of it lost. I am on a pretty tight AM schedule during the week so I had to just sigh, grab my “Stages Notebook” and finish the rest of my AM schedule. So this post is being recreated from memory and the energy of the moment.
I saw the posting for your interview with RNZ news in New Zealand. I did watch it. It was your pretty typical interview but there were a couple of things that stood out, that actually come into play in this particular campaign to create an opportunity to sit down and discuss this book with your team.
You said” Luck is when preparation meets opportunity…we all need a figure, a person that says I believe in you, then you walk through the door…..No one becomes anybody with a management team. David Foster was the one who said “I believe in you” and convinced the label to sign me.”
That is exactly what this campaign is….finding the one to say I believe in you right to the top. And btw you rightly should be proud of this album, things built on dreams carry their own magic….
And of course part of your history is your memories from High School…which is where I left off yesterday. I dove into music when I needed escape and I wrote tirelessly in journals…that was it.
I did not graduate with a sense of anything, least of all myself. I graduated feeling unknown and bereft and now looking back with a crying need to be seen. So I did what most women do, I skipped the school thing…why bother I had no idea what I wanted or purpose or passion. I was angry all the time. So angry I was literally worn out from it. I fell into marriage, moved back to California (from New Jersey) and hoped that going back to a place where I had an idyllic childhood would make a difference…it did not. I lived in several states during this marriage. When I came back to California and we took up residence on The Presidio and that is where I found photography. It was where I felt good…and safe.
Behind the lens I could allow beauty to be found. Behind the lens I could not be seen but I could be found worthy in the images I found in nature. I have never been much of a posed or studio photographer, not that I am not kind of reaching a yen to try some things in a studio setting. BUT I firmly believe that if you want good imagery from people, you have to put them in a place where they “feel” themselves, not under pressure and nature has always been my connector. I prefer using my brain to figure out the light that is present, the best way to capture the “inner soul” of the person I am photographing.
It is one of the reasons why I love the concert/music/dance niche. I am constantly on “brain go” mode. Constantly thinking, creating something from what is being presented. It is all out of my control and I suppose as someone who is a bit of a Type A (I am laughing here) there are times that I crave being forced to let go and not be in control. I love the “wildness” as it were. I can only adapt, be in the present moment.
Some of the images I captured from that time, do not even exist anymore. The other thing The Presidio gave me was the opportunity to actually shoot the making of a movie. Now that I loved too. It was just awesome seeing behind the scenes and then seeing the movie and knowing I was there when it was made. I still have those images and negatives too…in good shape, some day maybe they can come out and be seen.
So here I was in my early twenties, sort of finding my step. I forced myself into therapy when my father died as the anger literally reached a point where I was clenching my jaw and rage was just a way of life; and when it finally dawned on me that I was never going to be able to finish the story by asking why and hear his answer. Not that it really matters, the damage had been done and it was going to be up to me to either stay in victim mode or become a full fledged survivor…
I chose Survivor…